The Power of AND
by SARAH ARNETT
I am an ambassador of the word AND. AND is a powerful word. It is the ONE word that has impacted my teaching, my communications, and even my business name.
When I first heard the power of AND over the powerless BUT, I became a convert. First, I had to listen to myself. I didn’t even know how often I was saying BUT. What I learned is that when I would say, “That’s a good idea, BUT…” people thought I didn’t mean it was really a good idea, and internally they braced for a slam. It was a setup for the other person to wait for the REAL truth, i.e. the next part of the sentence…”I was thinking about something else”. Other examples of poor form: “That’s a great color for you…BUT I like red”, "He's a good employee, BUT he can’t get to work on time”. When the word BUT is inserted, the good part of the message was mentally erased. The listener only hears the negative part of your message. AND keeps the listener engaged and more likely to join you in the conversation, instead of putting up an internal barrier.
Now I have a BUT radar and can hardly say the word. If I wanted to be a better communicator, I needed to eliminate BUT so people would continue to listen to me. That is when I became the ambassador of AND. “That’s a good idea AND I was thinking of something else, could we put those two ideas together?” That’s a great color on you AND when you wore red the other day, it really was striking”. When there are 2 truths, the only appropriate word is AND. We don’t say: “the grass is green BUT the sky is blue”. The second power of AND is being critical for flexibility and change. If you acknowledge the present condition, then add AND, it demonstrates the agility of thought towards innovation. “Yes/AND” is a theater technique to develop improvisational skills for creativity and imagination. BUT creates an either/or situation that can set up conflict instead of shifting to a both/and scenario which can shift the focus to manage the tensions between polarities. “I know we have had years of following the same procedures AND now that we have hybrid teams we are being challenged to include new ways of working”.
Last year, I found a third view of AND. I learned about John Garrett’s book and podcast, What’s your AND? Where John defines AND as those things we do outside of work that differentiate us in the marketplace. John was an accountant AND a stand-up comic. People often remembered him because of his AND. He goes on to say that our AND strengthens our trust with clients and customers.
As an executive coach, I support my coachees to stretch and grow into new possibilities for themselves. They did their life one way that worked AND they found new ways of behaving that created new results. I think AND is a crucial word for coaches as we fundamentally accept people as they are AND support them in reaching new goals. Coaches can support other people developing their AND outside of work to differentiate themselves on the job and in the world. After hundreds of presentations that included the “BUT lecture”, I have recruited others to join me in the use of AND to become better communicators. I celebrate others when they remain at choice using my favorite word - AND. AND won’t you join me?
More about Sarah
Sarah Campbell Arnett is owner of Ampersandbox, Coaching & Consulting. She facilitates leadership trainings, provides coaching, and change management consulting. You can hear Sarah’s interview on Garrett’s podcast.