Every No is a Yes (to something else)
Every No is a Yes (to something else)
by KJ Shapiro
KJ Shapiro
Do you have a hard time saying “no” to requests, opportunities, and demands?
Highly competent leaders often find themselves becoming “responsibility magnets”, both at work and in their personal lives. They are often the fist ones nominated to take on multiple projects and roles. In fact, it is pretty amazing how quickly a schedule can fill up—similar to the way that clutter starts to fill up a house—if we aren’t mindful of what we are bringing in every day.
It’s tempting sometimes to grab onto opportunities, even those with ambiguous rewards. It can be hard for to say no and “let someone down”. Yet even very efficient professionals only have a finite number of hours in a day.
Therefore consider: For every “yes” that you say to a request or demand, you are in fact saying “no” to something else (a new project, extra sleep, time with family, space for innovative, strategic thought). When seen this way, the times that you say “no” to a request—as hard as that may feel—opens you up to saying yes to some other way to use that time and energy.
For more fulfillment, regularly audit your time like you would your budget and finances. Allow your yes’s to reflect your intentions, values, and career/life goals. The next time somebody asks you to take on a task, simply remember to pause and think about what you might be giving up by taking on that commitment.
Ask yourself—
Do I want to do this? Does saying yes to it sound fun, interesting or fulfilling? Or would agreeing to do it perhaps cross your “resentment line”?
Should I do this? It may be that I am not even the best person for this job, as someone else has better skills, experience, knowledge, or interest for tackling it. One person’s burden is another person’s opportunity.
How does this fit with my priorities and goals?
What would I have to give up and is it worth it?
There are times when we don’t have a real choice. For instance, a family member may be in the hospital and needs our care, or our children deeply want our company at an activity of theirs. But many, many requests come our way every week from all kinds of organizations and people. Some are almost mindlessly tossed our way—and we often have more decision in these matters than we at first feel.
Let’s take the reins of our time to the extent that we can—knowing that every NO we say opens the way to being able to have a whole-hearted “yes” to something else.
Karen Jo (KJ) Shapiro is a psychologist, executive coach and trainer who helps professionals with their leadership development and career management. She also facilitates team learning using assessments and exercises. KJ’s business is YNS Coaching and is a founding member and current board member of TCC.