What Will You Trade? Trade the First Half for the Second Half.
by Ronald Graves
The early stages of life are often devoted to constructing a sense of identity, importance, and security. This is what John Maxwell refers to as the "false self," and what Sigmund Freud might label the "ego self."
During this period, much of our energy goes into shaping an outward image that aligns with societal expectations, seeking approval, and building confidence in who we think we are. Carl Jung highlights the critical role of a healthy ego structure, viewing it as a necessary foundation for navigating the complexities of life.
Life has a way of revealing deeper truths. Often through moments of failure, profound loss, or unexpected challenges, we are confronted with the realization that the conscious self we’ve so carefully curated is not the entirety of who we are. It represents only the aspects of ourselves that we consider acceptable or safe to display to the world.
These pivotal experiences force us to look inward and recognize that our true purpose and identity lie far beneath the surface. Beyond the polished image we present, there exists a deeper, more authentic self—one that is not defined by achievements, roles, or perceptions but by a profound understanding of our core values, passions, and unique contributions to the world.
This journey from the "false self" to the discovery of our "true self" is not just a momentary awakening but a transformative process. It challenges us to embrace vulnerability, accept imperfections, and move beyond the limits of external validation. In doing so, we uncover a deeper sense of fulfillment and purpose, rooted not in appearance but in authenticity and connection.
As we transition into the second half of life, the ego retains its role but shifts into a new and more meaningful function: serving the True Self, or what some might call the soul—your inner, authentic identity.
Rather than being the driver of our decisions and actions, the ego now becomes a vessel, a container that holds and integrates the many dimensions of who we are. This shift allows the ego's strength, once used to build and protect a sense of identity, to become a source of stability and cohesion.
When the ego operates in service of the True Self, it no longer seeks control or validation from external sources. Instead, it supports the expression of your deepest values, purpose, and inherent worth. This alignment creates a person who is centered and balanced, someone who no longer feels the need to prove their significance but instead lives with quiet confidence.
This is likely what we mean when we describe someone as "grounded." A grounded individual understands and acknowledges their ego without being dominated by it. They’ve embraced both their vulnerabilities and strengths, integrating them into a unified whole.
In this state, the ego acts not as a master but as a steward—one that ensures the True Self can shine, unencumbered by the need for pretense or approval. It is in this harmony that we find wisdom, resilience, and the ability to live a life of deep meaning and connection.
If you find yourself in the second half of life, you have likely invested countless hours, energy, and effort paying the price for success—pursuing achievements, building your career, and striving to meet external expectations.
However, this phase offers an invaluable opportunity to reflect on what truly matters. Don’t let the fruits of your labor go to waste. Instead, consider trading the pursuit of success for the pursuit of significance.
Shift your focus toward actions and contributions that will leave a lasting impact, creating a legacy that continues to inspire and benefit others long after you are gone. Significance is found in relationships, service, and the ways you elevate and empower others.
For those in the first half of life, your journey is equally vital. Continue paying the price for success with intention and perseverance, knowing that these efforts lay the foundation for the future.
Build skills, gain wisdom, and cultivate experiences that will give you something meaningful to offer when your priorities shift in the second half. Success is not the end goal but a steppingstone—a preparation for a life of greater purpose.
More about Ronald Graves
Ronald is the founder and president of Poiema Leadership Institute. He has worked with organizations in healthcare, manufacturing, temporary staffing, food processing, logistics, construction, transportation, and food service. Additionally, he has worked with many employers in the public sector including cities, counties, utilities, and school districts.
Ronald’s corporate experience includes 25 years in leadership roles. Ronald is a Certified Safety Professional (retired), Certified Performance Technologist, ICF Certified Coach, and a Certified Behavioral Analysis Trainer. He is currently the treasurer of the Triad Coaching Connection.